December
by CanaanAlphardForever
Summary: [25] "Let's try to remember these days back in December. Our lives were very different and I was lonely when we first met. You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love. I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think. Please slow down girl, we're moving way to fast for their world." YmirxKrista, based on the song "December"
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This was supposed to be a oneshot based on the song "December" by Hawthorne Heights, but I got so inspired and the idea itself is too large and meaningful, that this has turned into a multi chapter story. Give the song a listen to get a feel for the story. Also, I can't promise quick updates. This story literally just happened. I hope you all enjoy it.

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Chapter 1:

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In the night sky stars twinkled gently together with the moon glowing proudly to the side. Soft, scarce white puffs of clouds floated along the gentle breeze that carried them through the skies, to higher places and further lands. Crickets hummed all together, creating a buzz that echoed in the background of the silence. To the front frogs croaked and splashed softly as they swam about in the dam water, finding food and existing in mere ignorant peace. Besides the sound of the gentle lapping water, the brush of grass and branches as they swayed with the breeze and the various small animals, there was nothing but solemn silence.

Alone, leaning back, sat a figure on a bench close to the dam. Her hands were clasped around an object resting on her lap, her head hanging back, eyes staring off into nothing but pointing at the sky.

Ymir gripped the bottle of vodka tightly in her hands, listening to the clear liquid splosh inside when she jostled the bottle. Her throat tightened, feeling scratchy and dry, pleading for any form of liquid to quench her thirst. Her chest tightened in turn.

Ymir lifted her head and sat up straight. She let her head bow down, unable to conjure the strength to keep it up. She could hardly walk with her head raised these days, not after everything that had happened.

Had it really been four weeks already?

Felt like more. Felt like four years, or more. Ymir remembered everything crisply, as if it was all still happening around her.

"_We can find a way, there's always a way Ymir!"_

The voice rang in her ears and for a second Ymir's eyes widened and her heart sped up. Her head shot up and she glanced around her, at where the sound had come from, only to realize that it was all in her head and it was far too late for there to possibly be another person here. Especially not her…

Ymir returned to her earlier defeated position and continued to stare desperately at the bottle. It would relieve the burn in her chest by creating a burn in her stomach. A pleasant burn, one that would singe away at the troubles of her mind and the damn fucking ache of her heart.

Four damn weeks, Ymir thought. Four weeks since I fell back into this shitty routine; waking up hating the world, slipping through work and ignoring people. Before December, before it all went to hell right after ascending to heaven, Ymir would have cussed at or even punched a number of people before the working day was even over.

Now? She simply withdrew into herself, cold, numb and alone. When people spoke to her, she hardly heard it. If someone bumped into her, she didn't feel it. Those normally swearing to her face because of their hatred for her received not even a blink of recognition as they insulted her existence. People had even stopped trying to antagonize her, because she just wasn't there.

Stuck in her own self-inflicted coma, she thought.

It was all because of that day, the day she met someone too good for her. The day she gained her happiness back and unknowingly signed it off for future.

It had been an early Saturday morning during the beginning of December. Ymir was sitting on the very same bench she sat on now; the only difference was that she had a cigarette held between her lips and a can of beer in her hand. She stared emotionlessly at the shimmering body of water in front of her, not really seeing the ducks waddling around and quacking to their hearts content. She barely even noticed the people walking by either.

Her chest felt empty. Ymir's brown eyes bore no emotion. She simply sat there like she did every morning before going to a job she hated and dealing with people she would rather stab in the face. She puffed on the cigarette and blew a long string of smoke out into the air, watching in boredom as the string spiralled up into the sky due to a breeze and then dissipated into nothing.

Sometimes, life held no meaning.

Until someone came by and gave her meaning.

"I-is this seat taken?" A timid voice spoke up beside her.

Ymir ignored it at first, surprised that she had actually heard it, but then the girl spoke up again.

"U-um, excuse me?"

Finally she turned her head, her cigarette now between her fingers so that she could reach out and tap the line of ash off before it fell onto her clothes. "No." She said simply, deciding not to reply with a 'does it look taken to you?'

"Thank you!" The girl replied cheerfully and flashed a dazzling smile. She sat down beside Ymir and pulled her bag onto her lap, and then she retrieved a book, placed her bag onto the bench beside her and opened the book up. Silently she began to read, leaving Ymir relieved that she wouldn't try to initiate pointless conversation.

Meanwhile the brunette continued to puff and blow, watching the smoke ascend. Between each exhale of poisonous smoke she lifted the can of beer to her lips and gulped a large amount down, swallowing loudly as she did. When she lowered the can a drop escaped and dribbled down her chin, but she quickly wiped it away with her shirt sleeve and then returned to enjoying her smoke and staring out at the ducks.

Her earlier relief only lasted for about 20 minutes, because the girl eventually sighed softly and shut her book. "It isn't healthy to drink so early, you know." She spoke up as softly as she had earlier.

Instead of ignoring her Ymir dropped her smoke onto the floor, killed it with the heel of her shoe and then leaned back and snorted. "Mind your own damn business, kid. It's not nice to be rude so early either."

The girl quickly waved her hands in panic, assuming a guilty expression. "Oh no, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend."

"Mm." Ymir took another long sip and supressed a sigh. So what if the kid was right? It's not like she had any reason not to get wasted in the morning, other than work. Her boss hated her anyway and he hadn't fired her yet, so she didn't give a shit about showing up at work piss drunk. This was her first beer though, so it would take a lot more for her to even feel a buzz.

"Beautiful." The girl mumbled loud enough for Ymir to hear.

"Huh?" Ymir asked after another satisfying gulp.

The girl blushed bright and red and clenched her hands together in her lap, a sign of nervousness. "I meant the view. It's beautiful. The sky is blue, the water is clear and calm, and the ducks are peaceful. It puts my heart at ease."

Ymir raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "You must be simple minded to feel eased with only this." She commented.

The girl turned to her, soft understanding in her eyes. It unnerved Ymir when she looked to the side and met that gaze.

"Don't you think it's beautiful?" She asked, her eyes not leaving Ymir's face.

Ymir quickly looked away, clearly uncomfortable, but the blonde continued to stare.

What was with her? Someone like her, pretty and probably rich, content to sit there and talk to a stranger like Ymir. Did this girl even know who she was talking to?

"No." Ymir answered simply. The nagging desire to either insult the girl or get up and leave was there, but Ymir felt a stronger desire to stay. That desire changed her life.

"What do you find beautiful then?" The girl pressed on, determined. She was looking at Ymir like she could actually _see_ her, and it was pissing the brunette off.

"Nothing." Ymir finally said, unable to take that piercing gaze.

She finally downed the last of the beer and then crushed the can in her fist. Before the blonde could demand a deeper answer, Ymir stood and chucked the can into the bin beside the bench. She roughly shoved her hands into her pockets, hunched her shoulders and started to walk.

"Wait!" The girl stood up, arm outstretched towards the stranger.

Ymir paused and looked over her shoulder.

"What's your name? I'm Krista."

Ymir moved her body slightly, halfway turned back, and simply stared at Krista for a long while. She was definitely pretty – no, probably gorgeous. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulders, shining in the sunlight. Her pale, smooth skin added to her beauty too, and her blue eyes that looked like a clear blue sky, full of innocence and determination and naivety.

"Maybe I'll tell you if I see you again." Ymir responded. She turned and started walking again before her mask could crack and the girl could see her sudden panic at her uncontrolled words. Why had she even said that?

Well, it didn't matter. It's not like she would ever see her again anyway.

XxX

The next day Ymir trudged over towards her favourite bench, this time carrying a pack of 6 beers. It was her off day, so she decided to get an early start on making herself numb. As she walked over towards the bench she stuck her hand into her pocket and fished around for her pack of cigarettes and lighter. While doing that she glanced at her watch, noting the time, stepped up to the bench and curled her fingers around her smokes at the same time.

"Good morning!"

Ymir froze in her tracks and slowly lifted her head. Sure enough, sitting there where she had the day before was the blonde with an irritating habit of bothering strangers.

"Go away." Ymir responded and plopped down on the far end of the bench, away from the blonde.

Krista pouted and a flash of hurt covered her eyes. She shook out of it though and instead scooted up to the brunette and poked her shoulder. Ymir flinched at the touch.

"You said you'd tell me your name if you see me again." Krista said. "Well, you're seeing me again!"

"No I'm not." Ymir replied in a monotone voice and lit her cigarette. She relished the first puff and allowed the smoke to roll up into the sky.

"I'm here so you are."

"But I'm not actually seeing you, am I?" Ymir pointed out, eyes gazing out over the dam water, though this time not as empty as usual. This time she looked irritated and slightly upset. It was actually an improvement, to be honest.

Krista got up and stood in front of Ymir, right in her line of sight, but the brunette simply looked to the side and continued puffing on her cigarette.

"Why won't you tell me your name?" Krista asked tearfully. She herself didn't know why she wanted to know so badly. But Ymir looked so depressed and alone, it pulled at Krista's heart, more than usual. If she could offer any kind of help to relieve those emotions, even if it meant she had to come here every morning, she would.

"Why do you even care?" Ymir asked instead, still avoiding looking directly at Krista.

"Because I do! You just… look like an interesting person… I'm just curious." That was only half of the truth. Krista wasn't sure if mentioning the other part, that Ymir looked lonely, would hit a sore spot or not. She wisely kept that to herself.

Ymir grunted angrily and suddenly stood up, brushing up against Krista and making the blonde blush furiously and stumble back. When she glanced up she shivered at the brunette looming menacingly over her, brown eyes staring into her face, angry and glaring.

"I'm s-sorry…" Krista gulped. She really hadn't expected the stranger to get that upset – or be that tall, in fact.

"Ymir." The brunette muttered. She ran her fingers through her short brown hair and cussed under her breath. "My name is Ymir. Now will you fuck off?"

Instead of flinching at the swear word or the hostility, Krista broke out into a radiant smile and leaped forward without being able to stop herself. She grabbed onto the front of Ymir's shirt and smiled happily up at her face.

"Thank you, Ymir! I really thought you were mad at me!" She continued to smile so brightly, like Ymir had just made her day by revealing her name.

Ymir blushed, unaccustomed to anyone feeling any sort of positive emotion because of her, let alone just because of her name. She felt the warmth from Krista's hands seep through her t-shirt and heat her skin. It was pleasant. The feeling snaked up her abdomen and curled around her heart, heating her chest and then burning her face.

Ymir swallowed hard and grabbed Krista's hands to remove them from her shirt. Krista's skin was even warmer in Ymir's hands and letting it go felt almost painful. A faint blush crossed Ymir's cheeks and she looked off to the side to hide it.

"You know, I never noticed yesterday but you have a lot of freckles on your face."

Ymir stiffened. "What of it? Are you going to make fun of my face on top of being an annoying brat?" Yeah, she had an issue with her freckles. Growing up, people had always teased and mocked her for the multitude of brown dots littering her body. The worst were scattered over her shoulders but the most noticeable were the ones placed along her cheeks and nose.

Krista gasped softly and then reached out and touched Ymir's freckled cheek. "Of course not!" She exclaimed. Ymir's eyes widened slightly and she turned to look at Krista's face, seeing an open expression and that damn happy smile that hadn't gone away. "I think they're really attractive." She suddenly removed her hand and looked down, a new blush fresh on her face, turning her ears pink too. "N-not that I think you're hot! Not that you aren't though! You are! Wait…. I mean… I mean that… that I think you look beautiful with freckles… um… I…" Krista felt her heart thunder, now thoroughly embarrassed and fearful that she had once more upset Ymir.

Instead of getting upset or irritated, Ymir regarded Krista's red face for a few seconds before she started laughing. She laughed so loud and so hard that she had to wrap her arms around her stomach and bend over because of the force.

Krista watched her in puzzlement, confused at why she was laughing but pleased that she had done something to amuse the brunette. She meant it, Ymir was beautiful. A smile should always stay on that freckled face, Krista believed, not a frown or a scowl which is all she had seen of the brunette until now. And anyway, Ymir had a really sexy laugh, Krista had to admit. It made her blush all over again.

"Um… did I say something wrong?"

Ymir raised a hand to signal that Krista should just wait and continued to bellow in laughter. Eventually she regained her sanity and placed a hand on Krista's shoulder to steady herself. She straightened and used her free hand to wipe the tears from her face. God, she hadn't laughed like that in years.

"Are you okay?" Krista asked in concern. Ymir looked out of breath and red in the face, though if that was due to shortage of breath or embarrassment, neither were sure.

Ymir took a few large breaths and then shook her head incredulously. "Beautiful." She muttered and snorted. "That's new." She released Krista's shoulder and plopped back down onto the bench. She was now exhausted, not used to spending so much energy on something useless like laughing.

Krista decided to take a seat down next to her and pulled her bag – that Ymir hadn't noticed – onto her lap. While she rummaged around in it Ymir pulled one of the bottles out and made a move to pop the cap, more than ready to start her morning drinking.

"Wait!" Krista yelled suddenly and lunged out to snatch the beer away.

Fire consumed Ymir's eyes as her chest filled with fury, but then something was thrust into her face and the aroma of food filled her nose, dousing her anger.

"What the hell?" She asked.

"Food." Krista replied. She lowered her arm and placed the open lunchbox on Ymir's lap. "I made something for you. It's nothing grand or anything, but I figured I would make you eat something before drinking."

Ymir rolled her eyes. "And how do you know I haven't had breakfast yet, Princess?"

Krista blushed slightly at the nickname but ignored it. "You don't look healthy Ymir, so you probably don't eat or sleep properly. You're really thin, too. Drinking without eating isn't healthy."

Ymir shifted uncomfortably. How could this girl guess so much about her correctly from only being in her presence for so little time? It unnerved Ymir, but she sighed and decided that she wouldn't ignore her hunger this time and started to eat. Surprisingly, it was fucking delicious.

Krista beamed when Ymir's eyes widened and she suddenly started to wolf the food down. When she was done she burped loudly and then slouched on the bench, fully satisfied.

"Good girl." Krista took the empty lunch box and gave Ymir's bottle back to her. "I don't like that you're drinking, but there, since you ate."

Ymir took the beer back but narrowed her eyes at Krista. "Why are you acting like my mother?" She asked with a snarl.

Krista flinched, but met her eyes with determination and placed her hand over Ymir's, feeling it right to be honest this time. "Because you're lonely Ymir," she said, "and I want to try to help you."

Ymir's eyes widened again and she roughly shoved Krista's hand away. She looked away to the side and leaned her arms onto her legs, leaning forward. Her hands tightened and relaxed around the bottle in her hand.

"What the hell makes you think I need help?"

Krista swallowed thickly, heart pounding. It was true that she cared too much already way too soon. She didn't know Ymir, but the taller woman just pulled her in. Something captivated her, but more so, something about Ymir screamed 'help me, I'm alone'.

The blonde took a breath and wrapped her arms around Ymir before the brunette could react. "I think that you want it, more than you need it. I can see it in your eyes."

Ymir completely stiffened, uncomfortable and now furious. She waited patiently until Krista pulled away, and then she stood up. Not looking at the blonde she retrieved her beer and headed towards the road.

"I never asked for your help, and I'm not in need of it. Take your charity somewhere else, Princess. It's not needed here." Ymir hissed over her shoulder. "And don't bother me again, brat!"

As she walked away, Krista simply sighed and caressed her palm that had been pressed against Ymir's skin. It tingled, strangely, and it travelled right up her arm and into her chest, where it consumed her heart. She sighed, hurt at Ymir's words and how obviously stubborn she was, but clenched her fists in determination.

"I'm lonely too." She said softly. "So I'll help you, and we'll be lonely together or not lonely at all." She collected her bag and made for the opposite direction, more determined now than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

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After escaping the annoying blonde and her naïve determination, Ymir made her way over to her apartment. Once there she slammed the door shut behind her, kicked her shoes off and plopped down on her couch.

Her apartment was small and dingy, with stains all over the ugly green walls and barely any furniture in the rooms. The lounge only contained a TV on a cheap wall-unit, a second-hand old couch that was barely long enough for Ymir's long body and a wobbly table between the couch and TV.

It wasn't that she was poor. Ymir just preferred to spend her money on other things, not on her living environment. She didn't care how she lived, as long as she could smoke and drink her misery away.

Ymir pulled her lighter and box of cigarettes out and then tossed them onto the table. Pockets now empty, she rolled onto her stomach and used her long arm as a pillow. It wasn't all that comfortable, but she was suddenly so tired that it didn't matter. She hadn't eaten good food like that in a while, or eaten in general, so now she craved some rest. Sleep hadn't been a priority either. She drank until she passed out, she never just fell asleep.

Ymir yawned so wide that her jaw cracked loudly, and then her eyes grew heavy and without her consent she slipped into a deep, content sleep.

XxX

For the next few days Ymir avoided visiting the park again, which really sucked because it was the only place she felt comfortable with. Her apartment depressed her and going out in public was absolutely out of the question. People annoyed her simply by breathing. Ymir couldn't afford punching someone and getting threatened by lawyers again. Some people and their coward way of revenge.

She still woke up each morning cursing the fact that she woke up and barely feeling the hangover she had grown accustomed to. This was just the usual start to her day.

It was now Friday, a near week after encountering that blonde. Ymir tried her best not to think about her but it seemed impossible. Every time her mind drifted off it was filled with Krista. Either questions and curiosity towards her, or unrestrained anger. Sometimes Ymir would scowl so frighteningly that her customer would back away in fear and flee all together. Ymir had already suffered three intense lectures from her boss. Really, he never understood why he put up with her shit, but he had known Ymir since she was a little girl and could never bring himself to fire her. She was a pain, but she was like family. He knew the reasons for her terrible personality, but that didn't mean it didn't infuriate him every time it became a bother, which was all the time.

He ran a simple coffee shop that provided wonderful coffee, free wifi and a quiet environment. Ymir happened to be a server, though her loudmouth and blatant attitude often disturbed the peace. It was very rare that Ymir came to work in a good mood, especially in the past week. She had been absolutely awful, in a very different way. It was odd to see her space out and glower instead of cuss and yell, like usual. She seemed so lost in thought that her boss actually worried for her.

Ymir only had Sundays off so she had to crawl out of bed and force herself into the shower to wake up. Once she had she put on her usual black attire, black jeans with her boots and a long sleeved black shirt with the sleeves pulled up. It suited her. She looked dark, just like how she felt.

After taking a few pills for her headache she left her apartment and descended the stairs, ignoring an elderly man who openly and pointedly glared at her as she passed. Every single neighbour in the area hated her. She didn't blame them and made sure to give him a middle finger in greeting. He had expected it and simply shook his head in wonder at the obscenity in some people.

Once in her car – which wasn't as shitty as her apartment, at least, and was second hand but well taken care of – Ymir drove to work and parked in her usual spot in front of the building.

'Coffee Shop'

That is what the place was called. So damn creative. Ymir rolled her eyes every time she looked up and saw that big ugly sign with the two 'unique' words in bold cursive. Behind the words was a cup of coffee, looking way too cartoonish to be taken seriously. Ymir complained about it as often as she could, but when she was threatened with a pay cut she quieted down about it. For once she felt no need to make a quip about it and simply went in the back to retrieve her work apron and cap from her locker. She returned moments later, grunted at the only other server there and took her position behind the counter.

She sighed to herself, ready to tackle another meaningless day.

The hours passed slowly, excruciatingly. Ymir tried her best to keep her temper in check but some people were just completely stupid. First her co-worker had gotten an order wrong and Ymir had an angry customer screaming in her face for it. Second some idiot dumped coffee all over her boyfriend and left the shop, causing Ymir's boss to argue with her until she went and cleaned the mess.

During her short 20 minute break she went to the back and had a quick smoke, and after returned to her job. She continued to take orders and make coffee for the ungrateful bastards of the world. People didn't even thank her anymore after she handed the coffee over. They simply snatched it and walked off as if it had been owed to them. Ymir despised that. It was only on those rare occasions that someone would sincerely thank her that Ymir would offer a small smile and a nod. She otherwise had no hope in humanity.

Ymir may have a terrible personality, but she had manners when it counted and when she wasn't feeling emotionally threatened.

When late afternoon came around Ymir had an hour left of work before she could go home and drink. Customers had thinned and the shop was vacant except for a couple sitting together in the back, holding hands and giggling. They were both school girls, obvious with the uniforms. Ymir ran her eyes over their bodies for a moment, impressed with the one's large bust, but decided to occupy herself otherwise.

She started thinking about Krista. The moment those blue eyes invaded her mind, Ymir slapped a hand over her face and groaned. _Goddamnit Krista, get out of my head._

"Ymir, it seems like we won't get more customers. You can head home early today." Her boss popped up and announced.

Ymir sighed in relief and started to remove her uniform, only to freeze and suddenly begin to sweat. "Uh…" She looked to her boss, panic written on her face.

"Ymir, you look pale. Are you okay?" Her boss questioned, face clouded with worry.

Ymir glanced back at Krista who had just entered the shop and patted her uniform back into place. "I think I'll stay until we close, we have another customer." She told him calmly, ignoring his shocked look. Before he could say anything Ymir stepped back up to the counter and assumed a professional, calm expression. She kept her back straight and her head high, though inside she went into panic mode.

_What the hell is she doing here? And I was just thinking about her! Jesus, not only won't she stay out of my head but she won't stay out of my life either! What do I do? Why the hell did I decide to stay, anyway? Gah! My heart, stop fucking beating so fast. Why am I sweating? Jesus, this girl makes me so angry._

Ymir continued her inner panic but looked calm and collected on the outside. Krista hadn't noticed her yet since she had taken to looking through her bag for something. When she approached the counter and stopped, Ymir swallowed and waited for her to look up and be annoying.

While the blonde was distracted Ymir took notice of her appearance. She was in a school uniform, a skirt with red stripes over black, a white shirt and a black pullover. She had black knee-length socks and black shoes. Ymir suddenly felt disappointment, since she had never really considered that Krista was actually a student.

_How didn't I even notice? Look at her! She looks 12. Why am I even concerned about this?_ Her eyebrow began to twitch as she fought to keep her face void of emotion. For once it was difficult.

"Where is it?" Krista muttered irritably to herself. Just from her tone, and the deep furrow of her brows, Ymir could tell that she was in a bad mood. It was strangely fascinating. "Ah!" Her face brightened and she pulled a wallet out of her book bag. She opened it to check for money and then turned to Ymir to make an order, only to freeze up and suddenly drop her wallet. "Y-Y-Ymir!" She stuttered. Ymir simply raised an eyebrow, forcing herself not to comment.

Krista quickly crouched down to retrieve her fallen possession and went into a little panic of her own. She too hadn't been able to get Ymir out of her head during the past week and she had been saddened when Ymir hadn't shown up at the park. She did wait each day, though, and was prepared to wait for many more. But now that she had found out where she worked…

The blonde stood up with a smile, trying to hide her excitement. Her heart was thundering in her chest and her hands were shaking, but she smiled up at Ymir and took a breath.

"Can I have a hot chocolate please?" She asked.

Ymir was about to turn to begin the order, but paused and titled her head. "You order hot chocolate at a coffee shop?"

Krista furrowed her brows. "You sell it though, don't you?"

Ymir pressed her lips together and turned quickly to get the beverage done. Once she had she placed it down on the counter and reached out for the money. Krista dropped more than the needed amount into Ymir's open hand.

"Keep the change." She said with a twinkle in her eye.

Ymir said nothing but nodded in thanks. She rang the order and tore the receipt from the machine. She handed it over to Krista and then pushed the hot drink forward, but Krista reached out and wrapped her hand around it before Ymir had pulled away. Their fingers brushed and an almost electric sensation shot up their arms. At the same moment they locked gazes, but Ymir looked away just as fast and wrenched her hand away.

Krista released a shaky breath and cradled the warm cup in both hands. She smiled again and softly thanked Ymir before taking a seat at a table closest to her. The brunette noticed and struggled not to glance over or comment.

The blonde just sipped at her hot chocolate and stared at Ymir. While she did her mind raced for believable excuses to get the brunette to sit with her. Nothing came to mind, so Krista settled with watching Ymir's tense face until they announced the shop was closing and she had to leave.

It was sad to say goodbye, but Krista now had a plan forming in her head. She returned home in a daze, a bright smile plastered on her face. When her mother asked about it she simply shook her head.

"Nothing, mother. I'm just in a good mood."

She then skipped to her room, shut her door behind her and buried her face against her pillow after jumping onto her bed.

Ymir was strangely sexy in a green apron and cap.

XxX

Another week passed by. Ymir continued to avoid the park but that didn't keep Krista away. Now that she had discovered Ymir's work, she visited the shop every day after school until it closed. She would always order only one hot chocolate and take a seat closest to the counter.

Ymir began to detest work even more, but she woke with a strange sensation in her stomach that only intensified each time she showered and readied for work. Was it butterflies? She decided that it was simply dread at having to endure Krista again, but she couldn't deny that since Krista had started to visit her at work she was able to rise out of bed a little easier, as if she was almost eager to get the day started.

That was absurd though.

She was less difficult and slightly more dazed.

It was now Saturday afternoon and Ymir served customers with her usual void expression. It was getting frighteningly close to the time Krista arrived and Ymir, as usual, was beginning to get nervous. It showed with her increased distractedness and how she snapped at her co-worker for practically nothing. Her jaw muscles kept tensing and her hands kept sweating. It was annoying to have to continuously wipe her hands off, and the strange flutter of her heart was even more annoying.

What the hell was wrong with her? Did Krista really annoy her that much?

More time had passed and Ymir glanced at her watch. It was half an hour over Krista's usual arrival. This was strange, and Ymir felt an odd sense of worry. Krista had made it at exactly 2 P.M every afternoon, only ever late or early by a few minutes. This had been the latest so far, but it really wasn't all that late. Ymir merely shrugged and focused on the current order she had to complete. When that was done she impatiently glanced at her watch again.

"Expecting someone?" Her co-worker asked with a grin.

Ymir turned to him with a glare. "It's none of your damn business."

He lifted his hands as a sign of surrender. "Fine, geez. You just keep looking at your watch." He rolled his eyes and hurried to tend to a new customer.

Ymir frowned deeply and realized that she had been obsessively looking at the time. Was she actually waiting for the shrimp to show up? Ymir covered her face with a hand, not wanting to admit it.

The struggle of being a realist, unfortunately.

Ymir started to analyse her behaviour since meeting the blonde in the park about two weeks ago. Her heart fluttered and she swallowed. Crap. What was this feeling? Why did it suddenly feel like something mattered to her?

She resisted the urge to look at her watch again.

No, it didn't matter. Krista could pitch up or not, Ymir decided she didn't care. She shrugged out of her weird thoughts and returned to being normally empty and bored. There was still a tiny nudge at the back of her mind, concerned for the blonde and wondering why she hadn't shown up yet.

Ymir struggled through the rest of the hours, her mood souring by the minute when each blonde that walked through the door wasn't Krista. When her shift was over she violently shoved her work clothes into her locker and walked angrily to her car. The drive home was done in silence, like always. She didn't put the radio on to fill up the quiet. This time she just gripped the steering wheel tightly and glared forward. When she returned home she stormed up to her apartment and savagely slammed the door shut behind her.

She was so fucking angry and not knowing the reason why infuriated her even more. She wasn't in control, she hated not being in control.

Ymir stripped down to her boxers and sports bra, not bothering to throw her clothes into her room and simply left them strewn about by the front door. She charged over to the fridge, ripped the door open and grabbed her bottles of beer. She then went over to her couch, dropped down onto it and popped the cap off of one of the bottles.

As she pressed her lips to the bottle and tipped it, downing the cool liquid inside that would soon blur the complicated lines in her mind, Ymir struggled to get Krista out of her head.

"Get out of my head!" She yelled to no one, to herself. "Get the fuck out and leave me alone!" She went for another bottle, and then a third, drinking through the night until she reached her limit and passed out on her stomach on the couch, snoring loudly and dreaming of nothing in particular.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

* * *

The next day was Sunday, and when Ymir forced herself off of the couch her head pounded with an intense headache. She hadn't felt this awfully hungover in a while, and it definitely wasn't pleasant.

With a groan she managed to stumble into the kitchen and swallow a few painkillers, not taking note of how many. She then stumbled her way to the bathroom and threw her sweaty clothes off for a refreshing shower. It didn't help much but it at least helped to clear her mind the slightest, and feel cleaner.

Her stomach grumbled loudly so she made her way over to the fridge to grab another beer, but paused when she glanced out of the window. She saw familiar blonde hair and her throat suddenly tightened.

Krista was there, sitting on the bench! Ymir didn't know how, but she knew it. She felt a strange urgency and followed it without thinking. Ymir rushed into her room and pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a grey shirt. Before she could even question her own actions she was already out of the door, down the stairs and crossing the road. But the closer she got to Krista the slower her steps became.

Her stomach filled with a near sick feeling, like she was about to throw up. She cringed and tried to ignore the feeling, but it only got worse the closer she stepped. Eventually she just stopped walking, only a few feet from an unsuspecting Krista.

Why did she rush out like that, though? Ymir puzzled over her own actions. What had driven her to excitedly dress and walk over here? Was it Krista?

Curious and angry at the same time, Ymir continued to walk and stealthily slipped into the empty space beside Krista. The blonde seemed to be deep in thought though, so she didn't notice. She was also busy sketching something on a notebook, so her attention was otherwise captured.

Ymir discreetly glanced over to see what Krista was drawing, only to widen her eyes and suddenly snatch the paper out of her hand.

"Hey!" Krista yelled furiously and quickly quieted when she turned and saw Ymir next to her, examining the sketch. "Y-Ymir! It's rude to snatch things. Please give it back." Her face flushed. Suddenly Ymir materialized beside her and took her book, for once showing an interest in something. Krista would have been amused if she wasn't so embarrassed about what Ymir was looking at.

"Why did you draw this?" Ymir asked seriously, turning the notebook towards Krista and pointing and the beautifully drawn sketch.

"Well… I…" Krista flushed even harder and puffed her cheeks up. "Where did you show up from anyway? Where's a hello?" Krista attempted a diversion.

Ymir narrowed her eyes. "I asked a question."

Krista sighed and reached out to take the book back, glad that Ymir let it slip out of her fingers. She placed it down on her lap and ran her finger over the familiar freckled face. "I just felt like drawing you." She replied.

"But why?" Ymir asked.

Krista blushed so hard that her ears turned red. "Ymir, it's embarrassing!"

Ymir furrowed her eyebrows but felt her irritation grow. "It's a simple goddamn question, you know. Not rocket science."

Krista flipped the book closed and hugged it protectively to her chest. "I couldn't get you out of my head so I decided to draw you, to help!" She finally exclaimed, her blush still not dying down.

Ymir watched her blushing face for a moment and then noticed something that made her expression darken for some unfathomable reason. She scooted closer and roughly grabbed Krista's chin.

"What happened?" She demanded.

Krista gasped softly and tried to pull out of the grip, but Ymir went and grabbed the side of her face with her other hand, effectively trapping Krista's face. For a second Krista was too busy hyperventilating and trying to calm her heart down to formulate a response.

"Do you make it a habit of ignoring questions?" Ymir asked in annoyance. She tightened her hold and glared down hotly into Krista's eyes, making the younger girl blush again and swallow.

"I-it's nothing, really." She placed her hands over Ymir's and gave them a light pat. "I was just being disobedient and my father became too upset." Ymir hands slackened and Krista pulled them off of her face, revealing the ugly bruise along her jaw.

"Your father hit you?" Ymir asked softly, her chest slowly building up with incredible rage.

Krista nodded but smiled. "It's okay, really. It doesn't hurt so much anymore." She gave Ymir's hands a gentle squeeze and then dropped them. She then turned and grabbed her bag, pulled a lunch box out and offered it to Ymir. "Here, like last time."

Ymir stared at it in confusion. "How did you know I would be here?"

"I didn't." Krista responded cheerfully. "I've waited every morning just in case you did come here. I bring food each time."

Ymir's heart twinged. Really, what was this feeling?

"Krista," she took the lunchbox from the girl's hands and placed it down beside her on the bench. She then scooted closer and hesitantly touched a finger to her bruise. "Why do you treat me with such kindness? It infuriates me."

Krista giggled. "You know, you're the weirdest person I've ever met." She once more grabbed Ymir's hand but held onto it. "You are so scared to get close to anyone that you do your hardest to push them away, and then you drown away your misery with alcohol." Her smile faded slightly. "You seem so lonely that it makes my heart ache. I know I'm probably a very big problem for you, but I really can't handle seeing you so sad."

"You don't know me." Ymir pointed out, mind racing with every damn reason why Krista's actions made no sense. "I'm an asshole, rude, selfish, a drunk and I have no value whatsoever. That doesn't bother me at all, but you bother me. Why are you wasting your time like this?" Ymir spoke more passionately with each word, not used to feeling so much emotion but honestly feeling so confused and angry at the same time.

Krista gave her hand a squeeze and looked off to the side, unable to maintain eye contact any longer.

Ymir narrowed her eyes, seeing the flash of emotion in Krista's eyes. "You're lonely too then, aren't you?" When Krista's eyes widened, Ymir knew she had just figured it out. "Could it be that you feel that if you help me, you could in turn help yourself and get rid of your own loneliness? Who are you really, Krista? What do you get you out of helping me exactly? Does the satisfaction of knowing you helped some poor soul ease your own suffering?"

Ymir's hand had tightened around Krista's and now the blonde struggled to pull free. "No! It's not like that, really. I care about you Ymir, I want to help you!"

Ymir smirked. "You look at me and see a different version of you, don't you? Isn't this some sick way of you helping yourself?"

Krista froze and her eyes widened, but she shook her head, not wanting to believe it. "No, I'm not like that!" she finally managed to break out of Ymir's hold and almost instantly folded into herself, breathing hard and shocked.

Ymir sighed and sat back. "It's okay, you know," she said, "if you're using me to help yourself. I don't care. But don't fucking play it off as some kind of charity work. If you're using me then be honest about it."

"I'm not using you…" Krista said softly, hands clutching at her head. "I'm not…"

Ymir sighed and picked the lunchbox up. She officially felt a hundred times better now that she knew the blonde's motives. She was back in control, and her inner turmoil died down. Krista continued to mutter to herself, her shoulders shaking as she tried to hold her tears back, and Ymir ate while Krista sunk into denial. When she was done with the food Ymir placed the empty lunchbox down and sunk down onto the bench, arms behind her head. She closed her eyes, still listening to Krista though she had stopped muttering and was only breathing hard now.

Ymir's eyes felt heavy and before she knew it she drifted off, and a few minutes later when she startled awake and looked around her, she was alone. On the empty space beside her was a folded piece of paper.

When Ymir unfolded it she swallowed. It was the sketch of herself that Krista had done.

Krista had drawn her sitting at the bench, arm resting along the top of the backrest, one leg crossed over the over. She had a cigarette burning and in one hand while in the other was a beer bottle, lifted to her lips. Ymir was also drawn looking extremely bored and glancing off to the side.

Ymir shivered. The way Krista had drawn it, it was almost as if Ymir had more sadness in her eyes than anything. What unsettled Ymir the most was that this wasn't from Krista's imagination. Ymir sat in that position a lot, though not once in the blonde's presence.

Who was Krista, really?

XxX

Krista clutched her bag against her chest and hurried towards the bus stop. Her chest felt heavy, her legs felt weak and her heart kept thundering.

There was no way Ymir was right. She wouldn't do something like that! Ymir didn't know it, but Krista hadn't only seen her that day they first spoke. She had noticed Ymir sitting there months earlier and had taken great interest in her.

It was always the same. Every morning, around 7 A.M she would walk over to the park with any type of drink, sit down alone by the bench and smoke and drink for an hour. Sometimes she didn't drink at all, but on her worst days she did. Krista could always tell how severe Ymir's mood was by how much she drank before leaving the park.

Krista had wanted to talk to her for such a long time, but could never seem to build the courage. She could easily see how intimidating and hostile Ymir was whenever she was bothered by someone walking by, because she would always viciously glare or swear mercilessly at them. She truly had no tact at all, but strangely, Krista liked that about her.

She liked how raw Ymir was, how little she cared, but that in turn made her shy away from actually communicating with her. So she had settled for sitting down closer to the dam, leaning against a tree, and either watched her or sketched her. True, it was probably creepy, but Krista couldn't help it. Ymir was so ruggedly attractive. If only she smiled more.

That is what Krista truly began to crave; Ymir's smile. She wanted more than anything to see it only once. A true, genuine smile with no mask and no apprehension. So, after internally arguing with herself for over a week, Krista had finally gathered her courage and spoke her first words to Ymir.

Hearing Ymir laugh had been magical, but it still wasn't a genuine smile. Krista could see Ymir struggling internally with something. Her irritation showed a lot on her face since Krista had physically met her. It was odd, to finally see a little of what went on inside of her head instead of that vacant, bored look.

But now Krista's entire body shook. She felt unsure and confused. The bus ride home was too short a ride. Eventually she had to step through the front door and into her house, grimacing lightly when she heard her father's deep voice in his study. He was probably on the phone with business men.

She continued to run Ymir's words through her head as she snuck up to her room, making sure to avoid her parents. Once alone she really took the time to think.

There was no way Ymir was right. How could it be possible? How could Krista help herself by helping Ymir?

Krista held her breath.

Could it really be that seeing the loneliness in Ymir's eyes fade would ease the loneliness in her own heart? Was that something she had really been after from the beginning, not just Ymir's wellbeing?

Krista clutched at her shirt, gripping it tightly in her fist. Her chest ached.

"It can't be…" She whispered. "It can't…"

But the more she said that, the more she realized how much sense it really made.

XxX

The next day Ymir sat by the bench, smoking silently and patiently waiting for Krista. She could admit it this time. She was really waiting for her this time, but it seemed that Krista wasn't going to show up.

Ducks swam about, off in the distance a couple chased after their dog and further down children laughed and played together. Ymir thought about how ignorant the world was to other's suffering. Her chest could fill with either emptiness or pain, and neither the ducks nor the people would ever know of it. It was a cruel world, passing by others and hiding your suffering while they hid theirs.

In an ideal world, Ymir mused, people would work towards peace and ease each other's pain. But this was not an ideal world, this was reality and this was all that made sense to Ymir.

She still felt unsettled about Krista, so she had convinced herself to just ask the blonde about it. About what the strange tightness in her stomach was, or the shortness of breath she suffered. It was something Ymir couldn't figure out on her own, and she was tired of constantly silently raging inside because she couldn't understand it.

But Krista wasn't fucking coming. The one time Ymir actually wanted her to show up, she didn't. Life really was wonderful, Ymir thought sarcastically.

She threw her cigarette onto the ground and crushed it under her foot as she stood. Since Krista wouldn't show, Ymir would forget her. She would stop thinking about her and just carry on like she had before her life had been turned upside down by that midget.

Ymir grit her teeth.

She made her way to work, craving something strong like brandy and made a note in her head to stop by the liquor store on her way home later. She was running out of booze .

Work was the usual. People were idiots, people were inconsiderate. At least Ymir's boss had been sensitive to her recent depression and had worked on yelling at her less. She deserved it less now, anyway, since the worst the really did was glare. Whatever had taken up Ymir's concentration, her boss thanked it, hoping it was nothing terrible otherwise he would feel awful.

When her break approached Ymir started counting the minutes down. She really wanted to sneak out quickly and buy a beer. Her plans took a drastic change, however, when a familiar blonde strode through the door. Of course Ymir furrowed her brows and glanced at her watch to confirm if she had the right time.

It was 12:34 P.M. What was Krista doing there so early, during school hours?

This time Krista did not approach the counter and she didn't look at Ymir either, she simply sat down at the table she usually occupied, and pulled her sketch book out of her bag.

Ymir sighed and glared at her, not understanding why Krista would have come here if she didn't want to be annoying. Not that Ymir wanted her to be annoying. But still.

"I'm going on my break now." Ymir announced boredly and quickly fixed a hot chocolate drink, with three small marshmallows on top, and took her work stuff off. She placed it all under the counter and then nervously made her way over to Krista who was too busy drawing to notice the brunette approach. So much for moving on and forgetting about her.

Ymir frowned, not liking that she hadn't been noticed, and dropped the cup down on top of the paper Krista had been sketching intensely on. Krista startled for a second and then sighed deeply that her drawing had been partially ruined. There was now a dark line cutting across Ymir's face that didn't belong there.

She looked up and glared at Ymir, not changing her expression when she noted that it was indeed Ymir that had disturbed her.

"What do you want Ymir?" Krista asked and pushed the cup away to continue drawing. She did take note with a flutter of her heart, however, that Ymir had brought her usual drink without being asked to. It was the first time Ymir had ever done something for Krista without being asked to. It made Krista's heart skip many beats, and when she continued sketching Ymir's face, she felt new inspiration for the drawing.

However, when Ymir dropped into the seat beside her and leaned over to look at her paper, Krista tore her attention away from the drawing and turned to give Ymir a perplexed look. "Ymir?" She uttered in confusion.

Ymir looked back in equal confusion. "What?" She asked.

"You… you're sitting down by me. Aren't you working?"

Ymir shrugged. "I've got a 20 minute break right now." She leaned her elbow on the table and then her cheek to her palm, and pressed a finger to Krista's artwork. "I never mentioned before, but you draw really well." She shifted uncomfortably, scowling a little.

Krista nearly sputtered in complete surprise and embarrassment. Who was this and what had they done with the real Ymir? "I… uh… th-thank you." Krista blushed deeply and nervously scratched her cheek.

"Why do you do that?" Ymir asked curiously, watching Krista's face closely.

"Do what?" Krista replied, swallowing hard. Her heart started thumping unevenly again. Ymir was so close that she could smell her, and it was overwhelming.

Ymir narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why do you blush like that?"

Krista rolled her eyes this time. "People do that you know."

Ymir covered her face with her hand and took a deep breath. "I know, dumbass. I mean why do you blush so much whenever I talk to you? Do I do something to embarrass you?" Ymir uncovered her face and waited for a response. What she got instead was Krista's widened eyes, slightly open mouth and completely flushed face. "There, you're doing it again. Why? I don't understand." Ymir rubbed at her temples, now thoroughly frustrated all over again.

Krista clenched her hand around her pencil and glanced down at her drawing. It was of Ymir on that bench, but this time she had no cigarette or drink and was simply sitting there, leaning forward and resting her arms on her legs. She was also looking forward, smirking, and a breeze was blowing her hair to the side. Krista swallowed.

"D-do you really not understand it?" Krista asked nervously.

"I understand that when someone feels embarrassed the physical reaction is to blush. But I don't understand why you feel embarrassed around me." She lifted her eyes to meet Krista's gaze, her own filled with nothing but confusion.

Krista rubbed the back of her neck, fidgeting slightly. Would it really be okay to tell Ymir? It seemed like she really didn't interact with people enough to understand society, so Krista was left in a dilemma. To tell Ymir would be to basically confess something… something really embarrassing, basically.

"Please?" Ymir suddenly pleaded, completely uncharacteristically.

Krista's eyes widened to saucers. Oh no. If she did that, if she pleaded so adorably while still looking so damn sexy and angry, Krista couldn't take it. At this rate…

"Tell me?"

For once Krista sighed in exasperation. "Fine!" She exclaimed, face on fire once more. Her throat tightened, her breathing quickened and her pulse hammered. "I'll tell you… just… don't freak out, please?"

Ymir clasped her hands together and leaned her elbows on the table, mouth pressed to her hands. Why would she freak out?

"I'm sure you know the concept of a crush, right?" Ymir nodded. "Well, sometimes when you have a crush on someone that person invokes certain reactions in you. One of them is blushing. If they talk to you, look at you or even touch you either in general or in a certain way, it can make your heart pound incredibly fast and you b-blush…"

"But still… why?" Ymir's brows remained furrowed, her mind working hard to figure it out even though she kept missing the point that was quite obvious.

Krista sighed loudly, not believing that someone could be that clueless. "I have a crush on you Ymir!" She confessed in a passionate whisper, heart still thundering away and pounding against her rib cage. It was getting difficult to breathe, especially now that Ymir had completely frozen.

She remained that way for a long while until she finally lifted her eyes and stared straight through Krista's soul. "You don't even know me for that long."

"I… I've actually been watching you for months now! I only just got the courage to talk to you."

"That doesn't mean anything, you still don't know me. If anything you're only attracted to what you see, which is my face." Ymir didn't look impressed.

Krista looked down at her lap, face on fire. "Th-that's why I wanted to get to know you!"

Ymir leaned back in the chair.

This completely changed her earlier assumption of Krista's motives. If they weren't for her own loneliness, then was it because of this 'crush'?

"Then do you want to help me in order to make me fall in love with you?" Ymir asked. Strangely, her heart thumped unevenly when she said that. She felt a faint blush cover her cheeks, and looked away quickly to hide it.

"Wha… no!" Krista groaned in frustration. "Ymir, I'll admit that you were right that some part of me wants to help you because I'm lonely too, but I don't have these elaborate motives for associating with you." She scooted her chair closer and hesitantly grabbed Ymir's sleeve. "Is it really that hard to believe that I just like you, nothing complicated?"

Ymir snorted and then smirked. "You're the weirdest person I've ever met, too. And I haven't met many." She stood and then shoved her hands into her pockets. Without saying anything else she turned and walked back to the counter to return to her shift.

Krista watched her with a heavy heart, partly elated and partly devastated. So, Ymir now knew about her romantic feelings, but she didn't give any indication if she felt she same or not. Surely if she didn't she would have commented so. Did that mean…? No… Krista shook her head. She couldn't let herself get caught up in hopes.

Though a big part of her already held on to the hope that whenever Ymir snuck a glance at her, it was because she couldn't help it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

* * *

_Why does she like me?_

Ymir stared up at her ceiling, for once freshly showered, in her sleep clothes and on her bed. Impossibly enough she had not touched alcohol since returning from work. In fact, her mind was so busy with thinking that it hadn't even occurred to her that she wasn't drunk yet. It must have been well over midnight, too.

_I didn't show any interest at all._ She continued to wonder to herself. Each time she replayed that moment with Krista in her head, her heart started to thump unevenly and she could feel her cheeks heat up.

_When you have a crush on someone, you blush for them._

Ymir touched her burning cheek. She was blushing for Krista. Did that mean she felt the same way? Did she have a crush on the little blonde?

_No, even if I did, it's wrong. She's a highschool kid. I'm an adult._

She covered her face with her hands. Why was this so confusing? Couldn't her mind just give her one easy solution, one complete understanding?

Ymir wasn't experienced in anything sexual or romantic, especially feelings, but she wasn't stupid. It was only her fear and denial keeping her from really realizing her own feelings and the incredulity of it. How could she develop a crush on that shrimp after only three weeks? They had barely even communicated, either.

Though, Ymir realized, she had never spoken to one person more than she had to Krista. For some reason she did not mind bantering with the blonde. Surely that meant something…

Ymir gripped the front of her shirt and clutched at her chest. What was this feeling? Her chest filled with warmth and her heart beat unevenly, her stomach fluttering with butterflies. Before she would assume this feeling meant something negative, something unpleasant, and granted it was slightly painful, in that moment Ymir realized that it was different.

It was a gentle warmth, not a painful heat.

Krista had pulled her so far out of her shell and she hadn't really realized it until now. Before she would have been more withdrawn, but now she could sort of communicate with Krista. Three weeks ago she would barely show more than a vacant expression for the year, but over the time with Krista Ymir had gone through so many different expressions and emotions. It felt… it felt wonderful. Somehow… she could feel again. In the past, even if she had tried, she could barely emotionally react, even when something angered her. But now her emotions were all over the place. But she was _feeling_ again.

With the new realization, Ymir's lips slowly quirked at the corners, forming a smile that felt odd but nice. Really, what was this feeling?

"Is this… happiness?"

XxX

The next day, Tuesday morning, Ymir smiled through her entire morning routine. Once she had found her smile, she couldn't get rid of it. Suddenly that wall blocking her off from the world had broken. Realization how Krista made her feel brought Ymir back to the land of the living. She didn't even feel the need to have a beer for breakfast and instead decided to have actual food before work. Unfortunately she had absolutely no food in her house.

"Jesus, am I really that bad?" She spotted her reflection in the window and frowned. Krista had been right, she really was thin. At one point she had focused most of her energy in working out to maintain a strong body, but when she fell into alcoholism again she gave that up to drink. Now she looked sickly and unattractively thin. Her skin was pale, hair dull and she had dark circles underneath her eyes.

As if seeing herself for the first time, Ymir stared at herself in shock. This… was that person staring back really her? That defeated, depressed person? Ymir looked away, unable to look at herself any longer.

What the hell did Krista even see in her? She wasn't attractive, she was downright awful looking. Ymir's clothes hung on her tall frame, but they had once fit snugly. At one point Ymir had just lost awareness of herself.

Her smile had completely vanished now, and she made a quick grab for the fridge. Thankfully there was one last bottle of beer left and she greedily swallowed it down. Her chest was aching and she wanted it to go away, but her stomach had begun to grumble too.

That beer wouldn't work. She was too thin. She needed to eat.

Ymir went to her room to fetch a thick jacket before she left her apartment. Now that she had finally seen the result of her self-abuse, she felt self-conscious about her unhealthy thinness. A nice, hot meal sounded really nice to her right now.

Her steps felt lighter, but she still frowned and struggled internally with her own anger directed at herself. The only way to fix how she felt was to fix how she looked, and that would take time. Her addiction to alcohol and smoking would take time to get rid of too. She still felt the urge to hide behind a drunken haze, but she painfully bit her lip to distract herself from that thought and forced her legs forward. She lived in the town area so a number of restaurants were in walking distance.

Ymir walked into the closest one and took a seat. A waitress appeared beside her table and handed the menu over to her.

"Hello, my name is Chris and I'll be your server today! Can I get something to drink for you while you decide on your order?" The waitress said cheerfully and flashed a bright smile. She had her hands clasped behind her back and looked like she was struggling to stay still.

Ymir stared up at her with a quirked eyebrow. Chris, as she was called, had short blonde hair and striking blue eyes. She was also short.

"Krista…" Ymir muttered softly, and then shook her head.

Chris titled her head slightly but otherwise patiently waited.

"Yeah, uh, I'll have a beer." Ymir nodded to herself.

"Alright!" Chris turned and prepared to zip off but startled and stumbled back when a warm hand clamped around her wrist and pulled her back.

"Wait…" Ymir said, sweating and looking pained. "I'll have water…"

Chris furrowed her brows, concerned for the anguished look on her customer's face but nodded enthusiastically and gave Ymir a pat on the shoulder. "Sure! Water is better anyway. I'll be right back, alright?"

Ymir didn't look at her but nodded and bit her lip to prevent herself from stopping the blonde again and changing her mind. She knew that if she had another beer now she would get another, and another, since she felt strangely emotional.

To distract herself she glanced over the menu and suddenly her stomach growled like a damn lion. She ignored it but the hunger pain hit her like a boulder and she pressed a hand to her stomach. How had she been able to ignore it before?

Ymir took a good look around her, feeling like everything was more colourful. She could hear the conversations and laughter around her, the clang of cutlery against plates and she could smell the devastatingly appealing aroma of all kinds of food. Her mouth watered and she focused back onto the menu. There was so much to choose from though and by the time Chris returned with her glass of water she hadn't decided on anything yet.

"So," Chris pulled a pad of paper out of her uniform and poised a pen near the top, "what would you like to have?"

Ymir scratched her head. "I… there's so much I can't decide."

Chris laughed and leaned over Ymir's shoulder to glance at the menu, pressing her breasts against the brunette's shoulder. Ymir felt it, of course, but she felt nothing other than slight irritation.

"How about the beef burger? It looks like your kind of thing. We have this special sauce we use too!"

Ymir ignored the hand pressed to her other shoulder and nodded. "Okay, I'll have that." She handed the menu over to the blonde who took it with a smile.

"Great!" Chris smiled brightly again and then zipped off.

Ymir watched her go, enjoying the sway of her hips. She had a nice ass, but it hardly did anything for Ymir. Until she imagined it being Krista, and suddenly her face flushed and her heart fluttered. She quickly looked away and covered her blushing face with her hands.

"Oh god…" She groaned. "It can't be. She's probably fucking 14." She folded her arms on the table and rested her head on top of them, moaning in misery, craving something strong to drink but convincing herself that she didn't need it – yet.

Just from her earlier reaction Ymir knew she was definitely into Krista. The thought of seeing Krista again made her breathing short and her hands sweat.

While Ymir continuously panicked herself by thinking of Krista, time ticked by and Chris materialized with her food. She didn't delay after placing it down and skipped off to tend to other tables. Ymir tried her best not to eat like a beast, but it was difficult and she ended up nearly inhaling the food. Luckily the food had distracted her momentarily and she hadn't thought about the blonde until she stepped out of the restaurant after paying the bill.

Once back out on the street Ymir glanced up at the cloudy sky and squinted. It was definitely going to rain, so she shoved her hands into her pockets and made her way back home. On her way she passed by a group of teens all laughing and messing around by the local cinema. At the edge of the group Ymir spotted two boys kissing like animals. It made her immediately look away and blush furiously when Krista entered her mind.

Ymir was well into adulthood and she hadn't even had her first kiss yet. During school she had never been interested. Even as a young teen, Ymir would spend her days drinking and smoking. She didn't feel all that bothered with her lack of experience, but now she had a strange burning in her gut and she wanted to see Krista.

Instead of going straight home Ymir continued on down the road and reached the park in minutes. Her apartment was only across the street, 5 minutes down the road.

To Ymir's complete delight Krista was seated at their bench. Before walking any further she paused and realized what she had thought. 'Their'. Did she really consider it a place of their own? Since it had been an unconscious thought and not forced on her apart it meant that she accepted Krista and wanted her by her side. It was a very startling revelation, and Ymir nervously rubbed at the aching spot in her chest as it dawned on her.

Even if she did fancy the small blonde, which Ymir was almost certain she did, could it ever really amount to anything?

Whether it did or not, Ymir decided to shrug her worries away and hurried over to Krista, ignoring the fact that she was acting out of character.

Krista was wearing her school uniform and sat alone on the centre of the bench with her usual sketch book pressed against her lap. She was drawing something and when Ymir stepped up in front of her, blocking the light and alerting Krista that she was there, she glanced down to see what it was. The drawing made her heart clench and Krista quickly closed the book after squeaking in surprise.

"Why don't you draw me honestly?" Ymir enquired.

Krista looked up at her and furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait… greet me before invading my privacy and asking weird questions!"

Ymir rolled her eyes and took a seat beside her, pressed up against Krista's side because the blonde was right in the middle of the bench. When the blonde attempted to scoot over, Ymir snuck an arm behind her and wrapped it around her waist to keep her in place.

"Good morning." Ymir grumbled. "Happy?"

Krista looked straight ahead, the book now clutched against her chest and her eyes wide. Firstly, Ymir was holding her and preventing her from putting space between them. Secondly, Ymir had actually listened to her.

"So I get no greeting back?" Ymir asked into Krista's ear, mainly curious about how she would react with the close contact.

Surely enough Krista's back straightened and she gasped loudly. "G-good morning Ymir!" She exclaimed a bit too stiffly.

"So? My question?"

Krista tried her best to recall what the question had been but Ymir's warmth was swallowing her concentration and her mind just went blank. "Uh… um... wh-what question?" And of course she was blushing bright and red.

Ymir noticed all of this and for once she had to resist her lips' urge to lift into a grin. "I asked why you don't draw me honestly."

"What do you mean?" Krista was too afraid to turn her head to look at Ymir because of how close they were sitting.

"When you draw me I don't look thin or tired. You don't add my hollow features of the dark circles under my eyes. Why?"

This time Krista turned her head and met Ymir's curious eyes. "Because," she reached out and gently touched Ymir's strong jaw, "what I draw is the honest you. What you are now is not who you are, it's a shadow of it. I still th-think you're attractive, Ymir." The blonde's face had lit up all over again and the blush even crept up the back of her neck.

Ymir's heart thundered in her chest as she listened and stared into Krista's blue eyes. Suddenly the issue of age, that she had decided upon, didn't exist. An image flashed in her mind of those boys kissing and then she looked down at Krista's lips.

What would kissing her feel like?

Ymir wanted to know. She cared not for any excuses of worry. In that moment she only focused on the curiosity and sudden intense desire. And when she removed her arm from Krista's waist so that she could lift her hands she cupped Krista's face and leaned in close.

"Who are you?" Ymir asked softly. They were so close together that Krista could smell Ymir's scent, the scent of the shampoo she used and she could feel the brunette's warm breath brushing against her lips that were now quivering.

What was up with Ymir?! That smouldering gaze she was giving Krista, it was strange on the brunette's normally empty face, but it was beautiful. The person gazing at Krista now was definitely not the same person she had approached three weeks ago. Just what was going on in Ymir's head?

"K-Krista." The blonde finally answered. Her entire body was shaking and burning at the same time and her heart was absolutely racing.

For the first time, Ymir smiled. It wasn't sad or sarcastic, it was genuine and happy. Before Krista could even widen her eyes in shock Ymir dipped down and pressed their lips together. Krista's eyes widened then, but then they shut tight and she nearly whimpered.

Ymir still gently held onto Krista face and wondered on the soft and warm feel of Krista's lips. It wasn't that intimate of a kiss, only a peck, but it was wonderful and when Ymir pulled back she released a shaky breath and sighed.

"So that's what it's like." She muttered in wonder to herself.

Krista merely sat there in shock, eyes wide and mouth agape. She attempted to speak, but her mouth only moved with nothing coming out.

"Y-Ymir…" She eventually whispered almost too softly for Ymir to hear.

The brunette looked to the side, at Krista's face, and smiled. "Don't look so damn shocked. I only kissed you." Ymir grumbled with a scowl, her smile now gone.

"B-but why… why did you…" Krista ran the tips of her fingers over her lip that still tingled.

Ymir shrugged. "I just felt like kissing you. Wasn't that what you wanted anyway?"

Krista was still in a haze of shock and love. Her skin prickled against the cold wind and her chest tingled pleasantly. The thought that Ymir actually wanted to kiss her made Krista's insides turn to jelly. Because of that she struggled to formulate coherent words and only gaped again.

Before Ymir could make a comment on how she looked like a fish a raindrop plopped against Ymir's hand and she glanced down at the bead of water.

"It's going to rain." She stated and looked up at the sky full of dark, heavy clouds. A thought occurred to her when she looked back to Krista. "Why aren't you in school?"

"I… um…" Krista had regained some of her intelligence back and tried to think of a believable story, but then she sighed and decided to tell the truth. "I'm bunking today."

Ymir nodded and stood. "Okay." She started to walk with her hands in her pockets and the hood of her jacket pulled up, but then she paused and glanced over her shoulder at a sad looking Krista. "Why are you still sitting?"

Krista sprang up and sputtered. "Because you… you're leaving and… and…"

Ymir pointed at the sky, eyebrow lifted. "It's going to rain and the bus doesn't come around until afternoon." She then pointed in the general direction of her apartment. "You can wait at my place until another bus comes around." And then she started slinking off again, confident that Krista would follow.

The blonde did. She hurriedly stuffed her book and stationary into her school bag and then she swung it over her shoulder and ran to catch up to Ymir. When she managed to make it to her side she had to hurry her steps because of Ymir's long strides. The brunette really was a lot taller than her and it didn't help that Krista was already short for her age.

They remained silent as they walked, Ymir content and Krista too nervous to say anything. And as they walked side by side Ymir noticed for the first time that there were various Christmas decorations set up all along the street, on the lamps or by the windows of the shops. She didn't comment on it and eventually they both ascended the stairs and Ymir unlocked and opened her door, holding it to the side for the blonde to enter first.

Thankfully the place wasn't as messy as it usually was, but Ymir was still slightly ashamed when Krista glanced around and spotted the multitude of empty bottles on the coffee tables with empty cigarette boxes and used cigarette buds.

"I don't have food so I can't offer anything." Ymir commented and made her way into the kitchen. "I have water though."

Krista followed the taller woman into the kitchen and nervously stood close to her by the counter. "No, uh, it's fine. I'm not thirsty or anything."

"Great." Ymir leaned against the counter and folded her arms across her chest. What could they talk about now? She had no idea what to say and it was starting to feel awkward.

"Ymir… uh…" Krista spoke up, saving Ymir from hurting herself too much by trying to think of a conversation topic. "About earlier, you kissed me… You said that you wanted to but… but why did you want to?" The blonde shifted her feet nervously and dropped her gaze to the floor. She needed to know because the need to was burning her inside.

Ymir unfolded her arms and shrugged. "I don't really know." She admitted. "But it was awesome."

Krista's heart skipped a beat. "Awesome? Does that mean… that… that you wouldn't mind doing it again?" And it skipped another beat.

Ymir felt her eyes widen. Was she asking for…? "I guess I… wouldn't mind…" This time she felt nervous and blushed slightly.

Krista, still looking down, stepped up closer to Ymir and swallowed. "N-now?"

Ymir swallowed too. "Okay." She held onto Krista's face like before and lifted the blonde's head, forcing their gazes to meet. They both looked into each other's eyes for a long time and for once Krista could see the emotion inside of Ymir's eyes. It made her pulse race.

Slowly and deliberately Ymir lowered her face until she felt Krista's lips slip between her own. A frozen moment passed, and then their lips brushed together and Krista reached out with both hands to clutch at Ymir's shirt.

A torrent of emotion filled both of them, sparked by the kiss, and when they pulled back Krista was sobbing and burying her face against Ymir's chest. All the brunette could do was hold her and wait for the blonde to calm down.

"It hurts." Krista finally exclaimed, still crying against Ymir's chest and wetting her shirt with tears.

Ymir's heart clenched painfully at Krista's words and her eyes narrowed. "What hurts, Krista?" She fully enveloped the girl in her long arms and pulled her up, cradling her against her chest.

"Everything," Krista cried, "everything."

The kiss had been everything Krista had wanted. It had been sweet and beautiful and it had ached so badly. She could feel Ymir's lips quivering against her own, the brunette's pulse racing against her skin. She could feel her own mask crumbling as Ymir's warmth encompassed her and destroyed the strong front she had held up for so long. For once she acted like the weak, damaged person she felt like.

And it was all because of this equally damaged person who had accepted her into her arms.


End file.
